An Ode To Christmas Past

Oh how I daydream of the Christmases long past
Laying in til gone 9am and being a complete lazy arse
Drifting down the stairs from my 10 hours of peaceful rest
All my presents piled under the tree in a neat stack, no mess
Opening each present and savouring what I’d got
Stuffing my face with Ferrero Rocher and solely eating the whole lot
The excitement of having all my opened presents stacked up in a pile
Knowing I had all the time in the world to sort them, really made me smile
The day was spent in my pyjamas watching superman
Drinking wine by the pint glass and stuffing peanuts straight from the can
Christmas dinner was peaceful and I enjoyed every bite
Cold meats for tea with cheese and port nibbled on through the night
Drifting off on the couch a full belly and feeling content
Now I’m sitting here wondering where those Christmases went……

It’s 4am in the morning I can hear a distant sound
Someone’s dog is whining ‘Shut up that bloody hound!’
Wait, it’s not a dog it’s a baby and it sounds like their crying
Then I realised it’s my baby ‘Shit!’ that’s my heart sinking and dying
Its bloody Christmas day for goodness sake, why doesn’t a baby know?
To wake up before 7am is definitely a massive NO NO!
Thank you my little cherub for your screaming piercing shrill
Now you have woke up your toddler brother oh what a thrill
Desperately we try like fools to urge them back to bed
A panic look on each of our faces we know this will end in dread
A bribe to a toddler that it’s too early for Santa to have been
Fails miserably as he’s just too savvy and the stocking present he’s already seen

So were all hurrying down the stairs half asleep and half brain dead
Not prepared for our toddler to see his presents and go off his blinking head!
Mad dashes round the front room, excited beyond belief
A smile so big and huge flashing every one of his teeth
Before we have even had a chance to have a morning tea
He’s ripping open his presents with total abandoned glee
I scramble for my bin bag I’d had the foresight to prepare
Trying to grab all the wrappings he’s just chucking in bits everywhere
Once one is opened and seen, that’s it I want another
One by one they’re demolished and he’s stealing more from his brother
Then in our laps we’re thrust each toy to an ‘open it’ ‘open it’ cry
And in about 20 minutes our stash of 100 batteries completely run dry

We stop to take a breather and I put the kettle on
Realising it’s only 5am and all the presents are gone
Being optimistic we tried to open our presents to each other
But with a baby and a toddler round our ankles we really shouldn’t bother
No time to see what each of us had been given as little hands try to grab
So straight away on top of the shelf stuffed back in the Christmas bag
Oh how our Christmases are different now to all the ones once past
For we are now parents and our Christmases are quite a blast!

The joy on my sons faces when they wake up and see their sack
I would take a million times over a ‘lay in’ and never look back
Their smiles and happy hysteria gives the day so much more joy
and it’s fantastic to see their excitement at every single toy
Seeing their happiness on Christmas Day gives me such a high
It’s way worth sitting through CBeebies panto for the millionth time
My Christmas’s will never be the same since before my children came
And you know what? I’m so pleased that they will never be like the past again

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