No More I Love You’s

Growing up in a very loving household with my mum, dad, sister and Nan I only recently realised that we never really said ‘I Love You’ to each other. We all felt very loved and secure but looking back we never said the actual words ‘I Love You’ hardly ever.

It was when I had previously suffered a miscarriage and then went on to fall pregnant with my daughter and began to bleed at about 7 weeks; I called my mum at 5am beside myself. I was full of fear that I was miscarrying again and she did her best over the phone to calm me down and reassure me it would be ok. I think she also felt the same as me that it did not look good and it was likely I was going to have another miscarriage.

When we were ending the call she said something that she had never said to me in any other phone call that I can recall, ‘I Love You’. The words were so powerful and full of emotion it felt like a bolt out of the blue. Although my mum had made me feel more than loved throughout my whole life, to hear her actually say the words caught me off-guard.

I think in that moment of anxiety and desperation and virtual acceptance of what we felt was inevitable she had chosen those words to offer me extra comfort.

It was many months later and thankfully I had managed to hold on to my pregnancy, touch and go for about 16 weeks, that I remembered the words my mum had said. It seemed really strange to imagine my mum actually saying those words. My mum is by far the best mum in the world (obviously don’t we all think the same?) but we as children and as grown-ups had not used those words to each other much. It made me realise that because we just always knew we were loved deeply by the way we were treated we never felt the need to reassure each other and hear those words, we just knew regardless that we were loved.

When I married my husband, quite early on I realised that he needed to hear those words, and hear them often, it was not enough to know he was loved by the way I treated him he had to also hear the words a lot. Since being together I feel that I have shown him by my actions that saying the words ‘I Love You’ don’t count for much if you don’t show it in an unselfish way in your relationships with your loved ones that surround you.

Unfortunately, his childhood had been much more volatile and I understood that he needed the security of those words being spoken in a way that I didn’t. Don’t get me wrong I won’t just say it for the sake of it but I will make a point, now and again, to say ‘I Love You’ to him without him having to say it first or prompt me.

Growing up did you often say ‘I Love You’ to your family? Have you told your loved ones recently how much they are loved or shown them how you feel?


Rhyming with Wine
This Mum's Life

Photo credit: Designed by valeria_aksakova / Freepik

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10 Replies to “No More I Love You’s”

  1. I grew up in a volatile family. I don’t struggle to tell my kids I love them but can’t bring myself to say it to my mum, dad etc. When they say it to me, I find it so awkward. I noticed Lucy’s comment about not knowing where the divide has come from. Interestingly I think I do it because I myself am a volatile mum who sounds off at them all too easily so maybe I use the I love you as a counter balance. As is clear from your upbringing, you felt secure so the words weren’t needed. It’s fascinating actually! #bigpinklink

    1. Thats a really interesting thought thank you for sharing, It makes you analyse what it all means. Being able to say it so easily to our children but not so much to our own parents and family? It is a head scratcher as to why we do that. xx

  2. Our situation is very similar! I also grew up in a very secure and loving environment, where ‘I love you’ wasn’t said that often. And weirdly, I now seem to have a block over saying it to my mum/dad/brother-it feels really awkward. But I say it freely and with ease, to my husband and children! I can’t quite work out in my head where the difference has come from! I’m very loving and can express love easily, and just wish I found it easier with my family!
    Thanks for a very thought provoking post!

    1. Yes it’s so interesting isn’t it, I say I love you to my children all the time but I don’t think I have ever said it to my sister?? Do we stop saying it when our children are older because they know they are loved by how we treat them? Or do we just not think about it? Mmm?? Thanks for your comments xx

  3. I am so pleased to hear that your pregnancy had a good outcome, my mum always tells me that she loves me, either in conversation or sometimes at the end of a text or email, my husband shows his love by becoming my carer after I have been left disabled after stroke #bigpinklink@_karendennis

    1. Wow thank you so much for your comment I cannot imagine what you must have been through suffering a stroke. It makes you feel thankful to have your loved ones around you xxx

  4. It was never said in our house either. We knew we were loved but never said it and yes when my mum said it to me as an adult, it caught me off guard too. We say it in our house much more x

    1. Yes it is so strange thinking back we never actually said the words but we all felt more than loved. I say it all the time now I have children. Thanks for commenting x

  5. Growing up those words were never used. Hubs and I say it every day, multiple times a day to each other and our girls. I did have to get used to it at first because it was something that was alien to me! Thanks so much for sharing with #Blogstravaganza xx

    1. Yes it is interesting how we all view those words, whether they are an everday occurrence or yes something that you work on over time as you are not used to saying it. Thank you for commenting xx

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