Growing up in a very loving household with my mum, dad, sister and Nan I only recently realised that we never really said ‘I Love You’ to each other. We all felt very loved and secure but looking back we never said the actual words ‘I Love You’ hardly ever.
It was when I had previously suffered a miscarriage and then went on to fall pregnant with my daughter and began to bleed at about 7 weeks; I called my mum at 5am beside myself. I was full of fear that I was miscarrying again and she did her best over the phone to calm me down and reassure me it would be ok. I think she also felt the same as me that it did not look good and it was likely I was going to have another miscarriage.
When we were ending the call she said something that she had never said to me in any other phone call that I can recall, ‘I Love You’. The words were so powerful and full of emotion it felt like a bolt out of the blue. Although my mum had made me feel more than loved throughout my whole life, to hear her actually say the words caught me off-guard.
I think in that moment of anxiety and desperation and virtual acceptance of what we felt was inevitable she had chosen those words to offer me extra comfort.
It was many months later and thankfully I had managed to hold on to my pregnancy, touch and go for about 16 weeks, that I remembered the words my mum had said. It seemed really strange to imagine my mum actually saying those words. My mum is by far the best mum in the world (obviously don’t we all think the same?) but we as children and as grown-ups had not used those words to each other much. It made me realise that because we just always knew we were loved deeply by the way we were treated we never felt the need to reassure each other and hear those words, we just knew regardless that we were loved.
When I married my husband, quite early on I realised that he needed to hear those words, and hear them often, it was not enough to know he was loved by the way I treated him he had to also hear the words a lot. Since being together I feel that I have shown him by my actions that saying the words ‘I Love You’ don’t count for much if you don’t show it in an unselfish way in your relationships with your loved ones that surround you.
Unfortunately, his childhood had been much more volatile and I understood that he needed the security of those words being spoken in a way that I didn’t. Don’t get me wrong I won’t just say it for the sake of it but I will make a point, now and again, to say ‘I Love You’ to him without him having to say it first or prompt me.
Growing up did you often say ‘I Love You’ to your family? Have you told your loved ones recently how much they are loved or shown them how you feel?
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