Back to Black

I am 40 years old and since having my daughter who is now 4 and is my fourth child, (yes that’s a lot of 4’s and no I’m definitely not having any more), I have had regular periods.

In my teens, I was never regular and the time of the month was whenever it felt like turning up and I just dealt with it because I never had any pains or problems as it was relatively unnoticed apart from the normal monthly hassle of dealing with bleeding for 5 days or so.

However, since having my daughter I have increased pain during ovulation, which sometimes last for as little as 30 minutes but it is intense.

I can now pinpoint ovulation precisely, which would have been handy when I wanted to get pregnant but now it is just an intense pain in the arse!

It’s like the beginning of labour some months! When I don’t get those pains it can sometimes signal a black period.

These black periods show me what hell hormones can be. It is difficult for men to understand I get that, but OMG saying “Is this what ‘I’ have to put up with when you go through the change!” is not helpful in the slightest, and just makes me want to throw something at my beloved.

It is difficult to explain but often I feel like I can’t cope when these black periods appear at certain times of the month. Things that I normally deal with – tidying up children’s rubbish and teenager hassles seem unbearable.

I often think ‘what is life about? ‘Why am I here?’ sometimes I feel like I could get into my car and just drive away. Within about 48 hours I feel much better but when I am within the blackness I feel I will never get out.

Speaking or texting friends or my sis or mum helps to make me feel better. I do tell my hubbie but his stress on hearing this is to moan about the uselessness of my children (his stepchildren) he thinks their laziness (and yes they are sometimes) is what causes it.

It isn’t it is the imbalance of hormones in my brain and the blackness. I think it is easier not to include him in my feelings as I think it just worries him (I don’t think men can understand the hopelessness of it all as just mention Periods and they are out the room.)

The only option is to clench your teeth and talk to a female who actually does understand.

I don’t know how I will be when I go through the Menopause, as women we have to deal with a lot when it comes to hormones.

I will just have to hope that I can learn to keep my mind strong and rely on my female family and friends to get me through.

Oh and my love of red wine may help sometimes too.

Do you ever have periods of blackness at certain times of the month? How do you deal with them?


Photo credit: Designed by Dashu83 / Freepik

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8 Replies to “Back to Black”

  1. I can’t say I’ve had a blackness per se but a definite greyness. For just 24 hrs I can’t bear being touched. I live cuddles with my babies but in that time it feels claustrophobic and I feel smothered by life. Then it passes and I feel melodramatic. Make sure you keep talking #blogstravaganza

    1. Yes it’s so stange how these feelings just appear then just disappear as quickly as they arrived. Yes your right the key is to keep talking. xx

  2. I’ve had these period of blackness for years. My periods have always been painful and just plain awful! However, since I had my youngest and definitely my last I took the plunge and started using hormonal contraception – something I’d avoided in the past. I feel like I have a new lease of life, no pain at all and often much longer in between period. I only wish I’d tried it out all those years ago! Thanks so much for linking up to #Blogstravaganza, hope to see you again next week xx

    1. Mmm that’s interesting I was told that due to my age hormonal contraception would be unwise, but I might seek some further advice as a new lease of life sounds fantastic! I am so pleased it has worked for you xx

  3. Honestly I would very much like to punch my hormones in the face! They have thrown me for a loop over this past decade.


  4. Great Blog! I can so relate to this right now!! The blackness is like a drowning sometimes and you feel like you are treading water constantly trying to stay afloat! I do try and talk to hubby but sometimes only girl friends only can understand.. have started running (shockingly!) and I’m finding this helps to let off steam as it were! Oh yes and the odd vino! Xx

    1. Damn those hormones!! We are definitely with you and it’s nice to know we can all stick together with our female friends and have a good old vent! Running is a great way to let off steam, much healthier than my way of eating my own body weight in cake when I am feeling down! Oh and yes definitely vino! xx

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